they get obsessed with
creating psuedo senses
of belongingness, togetherness,
unity and whatever the crap.
in truth,
anywhere out of home, and where
i am disallowed from being alone,
is a strain to the spirit.
the togetherness is never really
genuine,
i know it tends to be
the spur of the moment.
they may not be bad,
but they are certainly not comfortable.
it is ridiculous when i look
back at the countless times
that i was expected
to pretend to want to design
opportunities for such disillusioning of
fellow humanbeans
so that adults could be happy.
schools like to indulge in these things,
which is not surprising
since they tend to be governed by
those happy, perfect elites.
i cant really manage these
sorts of pseudo emotions
anymore.
these days ive lost
the will to laugh at
every damn thing (98% of which
are entirely not funny),
engage in distasteful flirting,
or conduct
msn chats without the urgent
need to appear offline etc.
all these socialising
are necessary but tiresome.
they are not hateful
but the more attractive alternative
is always to sit at home to
watch a good movie.
i guess
i am a loser because
i am socially awkward but i
want to act like i am not.
despise me!
11:53 PM
Monday, February 25, 2008
i shouldnt have timefor this but
JUNO is a good film.
some hilarious shit!
soundtrack soundtrack!!!!
BTW
THIS IS TOO FARTING FUNNNNY
CAMERON DIAZ IS MINDBLOWING FUNNY AT 5:42
AND JOSH GROBAN
WAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA
THAT WAS IN
RESPONSE TO THIS:
8:45 PM
Saturday, February 23, 2008
jane goodall,
primatologist and
my modern day hero
brought out one
chilling fact
about chimps and us:
our ability to sympathise
and empathise
gives us the
ability to deliberately
inflict pain,
perform acts of cruelty and
brutality :
all the result of our intellect.
we're really apes
in clothes!
11:51 AM
ON A HAPPIER NOTE
edison chen is ceasing his non-existent
entertainment career.
(what does he do???
sing??? try to sing???
appear in ads???)
he should be sorry for not
hiding the photos well!
he could have hidden them in
good ol' biscuit tins!
11:51 AM
Friday, February 22, 2008
i think i inherited/learnedmy cynicism and my erratic self esteem
from my mother.
her statements (sometimes) tend to
reek of bitterness,
borderlining hopelessness-
it's uncomfortable.
i bet i make you
uncomfortable.
plus,
today i finalised that
i am a judgmental and
self-glorifying _______.
i think i am dangerously
sinful.
i think i need God
(the idea of God, or an equivalent)
and at the same time,
i am rejecting it
'cuz im
just too damn bloody proud.
11:21 PM
Thursday, February 21, 2008
MAN IS BORN FREE,
AND EVERYWHERE HE IS IN CHAINS.
the idea from the social contract
is that
there is something inherently
free about humanity.
but being enslaved by
societal conventions and expectations,
we surrender a big part of
our personal freedom
to co-exist civilly.
think i have been hit by
a bad dose of People Fatigue lately.
it is that feeling i get at the end
of an inhumanely hard day,
that the harsh forces of the world
are conspiring against me.
i really want to be as freespirited
as i believe i should be.
but
my public-self is in chains.
she is the lesser alter ego-
proud, less than truthful,
afraid, susceptible to conformity and
most things bad.
this socialbeing creature that ive been
induced to be
is ugly.
which really goes down to this:
i am truly flawed in
every sense of the word.
i live and breathe many many days
in guilt.
it is a tragedy how i let
the guilt manifest itself into
negative energy that runs
deep into my system.
my ideas of people
are just emotionally gruelling
for me.
altho i KNOW that the only
constants in this lifetime will be
family and a
couple of worthy others,
i still fear being judged
by people who absolutely shouldnt matter.
i settle in with people whose values
are hardly like mine,
establish some kind of temporary mutual
egoboosting companionship, and
indulge in meaningless
pseudo happy-s.
they tend to be a culture shock.
people belonging to the Upper Class or
Upper Middle Class
truly live in a bubble of their own.
they have extremely different
priorities and values.
they are not necessarily bad,
but they are not the same.
in their picture perfect world,
all the sufferings on the outside
are faraway, sad, but still,
faraway.
they cannot really see how they
should be obliged or just involved
in reversing these inequalities.
they are more self-loving,
indifferent to matters beyond their circle,
and they
encourage one another’s hedonistic ways
in their cult of materialism.
these activities tend to be more
important than the less
pressing issues in life
like poverty, injustices,
degeneration of the env and
various other
more cheesy, soppy stuff.
and sadly enough
sometimes I am guilty of these.
but because i am alot
more imperfect than the
Upper Class darling,
i am able to
empathise better with
the weak,
since our common denominator
lie in our
warped lives.
we are, after all,together,
the Weak.
it is probably different for me,
since they are not so faraway.
they hover right in my face
so much so that i cannot
really proceed with life without
trying to fix them.
there is no real altruism here,
merely driven by self interest.
we can only resent the system
by which our world functions.
it is designed by the Powerful
to favour the rich
and banish those beneath to
their apparently selfdeserved Lesser Lives.
our values are not the same
but i seem to be able to
lose mine so readily when im
in my public self.
it is disgraceful and
i wont like myself too much
for a very long while.
11:16 PM
Sunday, February 17, 2008
i will talk nothing aboutmy failed attempt
at life by far
and post about
irrelevant garbage
like films and celebrities.
so yesternight
channel five went on a
much-needed some-hours hiatus
from the usual nonsense they air.
under the tuscan sun:
was really just alright.
nothing really spectacular other
than pretty Tunscany landscape
and pretty Italian men.
if you really must know its
based on the true story of the writer
who is also a wreckage of an american
divorcee.
settled in Tuscany on impulse
and created some 2hours of mediocre bore.
oh and they made sandra oh lesbian,
ridiculously pregnant and with
bad hair.
closer
was good.
many dua-pais:
jude law is hot right,
but he is the same cheating b*stard
in real life as Dan Woolf in the show.
see the poster says
if you believe in love at first sight
you never stop looking.
ie if you are capable of
believing that you have fallen in love
with the stranger that you have,
really, merely been physically attracted to,
then you can do it many times over.
you might also, then, believe
that the new love is the greater love
and it therefore
justifies doublecrossing.
anyway the whole story is
some adult mess among the 4 of them.
i don't have much to say about it,
only that these siao angmohs
are really kinky.
still i really like the screenplay and
the cast.
and it also confirms my
suspicion that
everyone is lying
until proven honest.
the pianist is awesome.
its my second watch but stil
as haunting.
must be my strange love
for warthemed stories.
i think this is a reenactment
of the experience of the
lead character,
Wladyslaw a polish jewish pianist
during Nazis invasion of Poland.
i don't mean to dramatise, again,
but it does bother me that
just 6,7 decades ago
there was this simultaneous
and collective severe loss of conscience.
the nazis and the jap politicians
managed to desensitise their soldiers to
lose all moral bearings,
and their innate ( i think) will to be ethical.
its real, they
sincerely believed that they were
doing the right thing.
in this documentory:
the old war veterans discussed
about rape and torture
like it was a day's job.
emotionless, didn't miss a beat.
not only these,
people actively expressed
their belief that
"inferior groups" had no dignity
and didn't require respect.
pre civil rights movement days,
ethnic cleansing in ex yugoslavia etc.
it is absurb to
screw people over just because
of what they didnt choose to be.
we all know more than a few
people who are ignorantly racist
and they talk funny like it is some
glamorous inside joke.
if you knew,
it is never easy
standing outside the
much bigger circle,
in whichever aspect.
so people who are used to
prancing around in their
happy crowded bubbles should
just cut some of us on the other side
some freakin slack.
we are not lesser humans,
we just belong to a lesscrowded world.
altho i am not of big fan
of the japanese culture
i consciously do not hate them
because that we make me one
of those despicable humanbeans.
i am civil about our coexistence and
i embrace the fact
that my friends like them.
i will not have their food
or be okay with their pop culture,
but
i will not disrespect or
mess with their dignity.
not so long ago
we were as babaric as history
has proven us to be.
its frightening that this is what
we TRULY are,
not sure how much different we are today.
omgzzzzz
i am such a oprah winfrey
wannabe talking
about injustice and such.
12:43 PM
Friday, February 15, 2008
hello u avril thing!
12:18 AM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
people are unhealthy for me,i am unhealthy for people.
it is becoming
necessary to be a recluse.
should stop all these
pseudo happy and
pseudo soultalks.
8:56 PM
BYE!
10:08 AM
Friday, February 08, 2008
i AM frivolous and pretentious.i AM doing LNY!!
4:34 PM
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
im not so fond of festivities,they make me anxious.
could be the
cheeriness of it all,
or
the need to pretend
to like one another.
LYN is just frivolous,
pretentious and wrong.
i hate the idea that
im accepting their money.
altho i do like the
fact that i am receiving
money.
it's just the idea of
THEIR damned money.
11:57 AM
Friday, February 01, 2008
i am a very bad human bean.i think i need some serious,
if not,
divine help.
12:20 AM
